In a story nearly too precious for words, Daria Reed has started a new job thinking she’s going to meal prep every week.
The 24-year-old adorably believes her new job marks the start of a healthier, more refined Daria, one that diligently prepares her meals ahead of time, at the start of each week. She trusts herself to pre-make healthy, hearty lunches for each workday with all the blind naïveté of a child.
“Meal prepping is going to save me so much money, and I’m finally going to start eating right,” says the sweet young woman. “I’m not just going to eat whatever’s around, like I did at my old job!”
The “new and improved” Daria also plans to prepare a fruit smoothie every morning, keep up her manicure and have a nice little notebook for writing her thoughts down. She hopes the notebook will not be covered in coffee stains, since she anticipates “cutting down on caffeine” as well. Awww!
On the Sunday before work, Daria sweated for hours over a zucchini stir fry, a meal that Real Simple had proclaimed to be an “easy lunch hack” “for beginners.” As she munched on her vegetable-based meal the next day, feeling the wide-eyed, blissful optimism of a young babe, her more seasoned coworkers simply smiled.
Witnessing Daria’s innocence brought warmth to their hearts. However, they knew she would soon give up on her meal prepping and fall prey to ordering $17.50 worth of delivery every day, on food that would prove neither satisfying nor delicious.
“She’s experiencing the wonder of meal prepping right now,” says Meredith from accounting. “But give her a few days and she’ll be subsisting on two-day-old conference room bagels and vending machine Cheetos like the rest of us. No one remains pure forever.”
Surprisingly, Daria stayed strong through her first two weeks, declining Meredith’s birthday cupcakes and diligently packing herself mason jars full of quinoa and little Bento boxes with bamboo utensils every morning.
“It’s been going really well so far,” says Daria. “I can’t wait to make this sun-dried tomato and feta orzo salad I saw on Pinterest earlier!”
Unfortunately, sources confirm that, six weeks later, Daria was too hungover on Sunday to make the brown-rice and seaweed dish she’d torn out of Martha Stewart’s Living. Monday’s intake, therefore, consisted of forgetting to eat until 3 PM, then scarfing down seven granola bars. There was no turning back after that, and Daria has not gone grocery shopping since.