Our national nightmare has begun. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take a break from reality and drown your thoughts in some fun holiday tunes! Here are some of our favorite holiday albums that say, “Yes, I’m aware of the horrors of the world but just let me have this one thing. Seriously, I need this.”
These Are Special Times – Celine Dion
You’ve drunkenly Googled “How to get Canadian citizenship” every night since the election, and it’s time to celebrate with America’s favorite Canadian crooner! You aren’t legally allowed to immigrate to Canada, but you can grab a glass of wine, put on some classic Celine, and stare longingly at pictures of Justin Trudeau, reminiscing about “the good times.”
Christmas and Chill – Ariana Grande
The future is female! Turn on this young, fresh, album and wait for all of the old racist white people to die out and stop voting. It’s okay to let yourself enjoy something for a second.
White Christmas – Bing Crosby
Put aside your white guilt for one night and dream of a White Christmas with icon Bing Crosby. This album will remind you of sipping hot cocoa with your grandparents by the fire and talking to them about Santa and not Black Lives Matter. A white Christmas indeed!
My Kind of Christmas – Christina Aguilera
If you watch another news story about Syrian children fleeing Aleppo you might not make it to January, so head back to the 90s when frosted tips were cool, grunge was king, and our country was being run by a Clinton!
Merry Christmas – Mariah Carey
Steve Bannon will still be there in January, but Christmas time is only here once a year! You’ve called your congressman every day, but now’s the time to put down the phone and put on some Mariah. She has the voice of an angel and her famous high notes have an added bonus of drowning out Uncle Terry’s racist rants. Fun for the whole family!
Baby It’s Cold Outside – Dean Martin
You’ve spent the last three weeks reading long New Yorker think pieces about the red state/blue state divide, but ‘tis the season to turn off your brain (and your opinions on consent) and enjoy this holiday classic, because you just need this right now, okay
Christmas Portrait – The Carpenters
You might be about to lose your Obamacare next year, but that doesn’t mean you can’t sing along to this classic album! It’s cheaper than the co-pay for your therapist, and it’s really all you have at the moment!
Home for Christmas – Amy Grant
Ok, you’re never actually going to home to Ohio again after what they did to the country, but Amy Grant will make you consider it for like a minute!
A Christmas Album – Barbara Streisand
Looking to fill your world with a strong female presence? We can’t all travel to upstate New York and run into her in the woods. If you can’t have Hillary, Barbara is the next best thing.
Sure, you shouldn’t be happy right now, but just give yourself an hour for one of these, okay? Just this one time?