No one’s as excited about your wedding as you are! But it’s hard to get friends, family, co-workers, and even your fiancé to share your enthusiasm. Use these eight surefire tricks to bring the topic of conversation back to your special day!
Pretend you care about what this stupid person in front of you has to say, even if it has nothing to do with your beautiful dress or original flower arrangement ideas. Make eye contact and nod in agreement, as though his topic of conversation is as interesting as the vast choices you still have to make about the greatest day of your life. This loser will feel respected by your undivided attention, and he’ll return the favor by letting you get back to what’s important.
Introduce Your Wedding as a Political Statement.
No one cares about your heteronormative wedding anymore. Gay people are busy making brave commitments to each other in the states where same-sex marriage is now legal. Have a destination wedding and tell your friends, “We’ve decided we can only have our wedding in a country that allows everyone to marry.” Follow through by having an inconvenient destination wedding. Norway sounds nice!
Ask Her for Marital Advice.
Of course you don’t actually need it. No one in this world knows more about weddings or lasting relationships than you, the one who’s actually getting married. Respectfully listen until your friend pauses, then interrupt with a more relevant story about what a pain-in-the-ass your florist is being about your out-of-season floral choice.
Give Her an Honorary Wedding Job.
Who wouldn’t love the privilege of arriving an hour early to make sure your guests sign the guestbook before they take a seat? Your friend will feel honored that you’re including her on the most important day of your life. She’ll let you talk for hours about how your dieting bridesmaids better not overshadow your wedding weight loss.
Respond to Anything Anyone Says with the Sentence: “Oh, That Reminds Me. I’m Getting Married in 3 Months.”
It might be clunky, but it’ll do.
Ask About Her Recent Vacation.
Give her just two seconds to reminisce before you hint that her destination wasn’t nearly as nice as where you’re planning to honeymoon.
Find a Person Wearing White and Compliment-Bomb Her.
Anyone and anything will do–a watchband, a baby blanket, hospital sheets–you name it. The wearer won’t know what hit her when you start waxing poetic about ivories, ecrus, and stark whites.
If all else fails, cry. God, you’re under so much stress right now. Bad deejays, stressful seating assignments, blood diamonds … people will be touched by the vulnerability you show when you burst into tears during an important business meeting. Your new client will be an excellent sounding board when you explain your theory that sleeping with your fiancé’s brother isn’t cheating.