We’ve been getting a ton of requests to add more pigeon content to the site. Don’t worry, we’ve heard your voices loud and clear. Without further ado: pigeon hacks! These hacks will enhance the pigeon presence in your life exponentially. Where all the pigeon-lovin’ ladies at? Don’t be shy, girls!
1. Wear billowy, bird-friendly clothing.
Remember the Pigeon Lady from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York? Of course you do—because if you’re reading this, she was your total hero growing up! If you want to be as popular among the pigeons as P-Lady was, you need to channel her bohemian street style. Stock your closet with tattered, moth-eaten sweaters and hats you find in garbage cans. Pigeons are drawn to down-to-earth women who seem like they might be covered in crumbs. Maybe you’ll star as an old, lonely, misunderstood woman in your own Christmas classic one day!
2. Carry seed on you at all times.
We feel like this one is way too obvious to even mention, but we’re including it anyway. Boosting your pigeon rep is all about that seed. You know this; we know this. You need to always, ALWAYS have a supply of birdseed readily available in every pocket. And no duh, but you should make sure to have way too many pockets. We’re feeding pigeons, here!
3. Memorize mating call videos on YouTube.
Ladies, if you want to attract the best pigeons, you need to arm yourself with the proper tools. Learning how to communicate more effectively with the pigeons you surround yourself with is really important. And that starts with perfecting your trembling, yodel-like cooing. Spend a hefty chunk of your days researching as many pigeon-call videos as you can, and your mating call will be pidge-perfect in no time! Oh yeah, you just hacked your pigeon-life!
4. Order “extra pigeon” everywhere you go.
Make sure you’re specifically requesting “extra pigeon” at every store or restaurant you go to. A lot of people don’t know that if you order “extra pigeon,” most places are legally required to adhere to your request. They’ll fetch you as many pigeons as you like. Peep that secret menu action, girls!
5. Stock up on bird hotels at Home Depot.
Provide a comfortable, welcoming atmosphere for the pigeons in your neighborhood by setting up an all-inclusive bird compound in your yard or on your balcony. Trust us, the pigeons will love this, and so will your neighbors, who we assume also love pigeons!
6. Ditch your email and get a carrier pigeon.
Carrier pigeons are the new text messaging. Say bye-bye to time-sucking email, and find a pigeon you can trust to get your messages from Point A to Point B. Forget about G-chat—P-chat is where it’s at! Life: pigeonhacked!
7. Unlock the secret pigeon emojis on your iPhone.
A lot of people don’t know that if you go into your iPhone settings, there’s a secret pigeon emoji keyboard just waiting to be activated. All pidgys, all the time. Total pigeon hack!
8. Walk around with a fully extended wingspan.
This falls under the special subcategory of “fitness pigeon hacks”. You’re killing two birds with one stone with this one (not pigeons, of course! You’d never hurt those city-dwelling little friends). Walk down the street with your arms fully extended at least once a day. Over time, you’ll start to see results, both in your muscle tone and in the amount of pigeons perching on your body. Nailed it!
We hope these pigeon hacks were worth the wait! Now get out there and become the badass Pigeon Lady you were born to be!
