1. Her smile. Look past the shreds of partly digested frittata and see that radiant grin that’s just for you. Nobody makes you feel the way you do when you see that beautiful smile, and nothing will get in the way of that. Nothing.
2. The way she touches her hair. When she’s feeling vulnerable, she’ll twirl her fingers around her beautiful locks and let you know that she wants you to take care of her. And if she’s bald, it’s because her hair was so irreparably burned that she had to shave it off.
3. Her eyes. Almond-shaped or round, hazel or violet; every shape and color has its own unique beauty. And no matter what happened while you were both sleeping and found a pool of urine in your dresser drawer the next morning; those dewy eyes tell you she’s the girl for you.
4. The way her jeans hug her curves. Nothing is more perfect on a woman than a classic pair of blue jeans. Those sexy jeans make her figure look its very best. Always remember her this way, and not how she was in the backseat of that cab, or for the next few hours.
5. That special ‘girl in love’ smell. No, that’s not the Nicki Minaj fragrance drifting past your nose. It’s the smell of a girl who knows how important you are in her life. And if you catch notes of bile wafting over, who cares? Sometimes you can’t have the sweet without the sour gastric fluid.
6. The way she winks at you. Actually, in this particular instance she’s not winking; her contact is dried out from all of the liquid she’s been expelling from her body. And actually, if you have any of those contact lens-specific eyedrops, that would be so great.
7. Her love of coconut water. Women know how important hydration is, especially when it comes from a natural source. You think coconut water tastes like boogers; but to her, it tastes like the electrolytes she needs to revive that spark that you just love about her. So please bring her a coconut water so she can put more boogers in it.
8. How she’ll do anything to make you smile. Whether it’s with a sexy little dance, or a silly joke, or just a thoughtful compliment, a lady who loves you will find a way to turn your frown upside down. You can’t stay mad at your girl when she goes out of her way like that. And she totally will do anything you want, just please first get her those eyedrops and that coconut water. Please just do it. And please don’t look in the hamper.