You’re in a yoga class with a hot teacher? Score! Here are seven tips to work yourself into hot-hands-on-my-bod pose:
1. Sigh a lot in child’s pose.
Try to sigh in a way that says you’re releasing some tension but boy, oh, boy do you still have some trapped in your lower back. Oh, what’s that? Her hands massaging your upper butt region? Score.
2. Do a neck pose incorrectly.
Whatever he’s saying to safely coach you into shoulder stand, do the opposite. NOTE: Only try this if you feel like he might ask you out. Intentionally putting all your body weight on your neck could leave you paralyzed. But if he’s giving off a single vibe, it may be worth it.
3. Tell her it’s your first class and you are really nervous.
You really need to sell that it’s your first class, so no headstands, showoff. While everyone else is in that really hard pose and you’re in happy baby, she’s sure to relax your shoulders with her firm but gentle touch.
4.Forget your right and left.
Just forget them. Put whatever leg in the air you want. When he gently taps your other leg, kind of stutter-step like you’re about to fall. He’ll steady you with his supple, experienced man-hands.
5. Fall asleep.
Go ahead and let yourself take a little nap in that napping pose at the end. When she has to shake you to wake you up after most people have left the room, it will be like you just took a nap. Together.
Tear up while trying to balance. Soundlessly weep while lying down. It will almost certainly draw his compassionate body over to you for a shoulder touch, maybe even a soothing rub. If you’re really lucky, he’ll whisper “Is everything okay?” in your ear.
Getting a yoga teacher to touch you is easier than doing a headstand. So be sure to give it a try next time your teacher is tempting you with their tight, toned body.