What you wear to an interview is as important as what you say– especially when you’re walking past a vulnerable receptionist’s desk. After all, you may be her boss. Here are seven options to make sure that receptionist envies the fuck out of you before you even say “hello”:
Blush Cashmere Sweater
A sweater woven of this luxe wool will show that you’re a put-together executive who can not only afford to spend $200 on a sweater but also have it dry cleaned. Not to mention, the receptionist’s skin is too sallow to pull off a power color like blush. She’ll be crying into her Lean Cuisine in no time.
Black Mesh Bodysuit
From the bedroom to the boardroom, a bodysuit is the ultimate modern style staple. “Most people don’t know when it’s appropriate to wear a bodysuit,” you can say to the receptionist when you enter. “But I do.” After seeing you rock that edgy-but-not-vulgar skin-tight top, the desk photos of her kids and loved ones will suddenly seem so cheap.
Project your intention to be the most popular girl in the office who also does charity work sometimes by wearing a sorority t-shirt. There’s no better way to boost your confidence before an interview than reminding that receptionist of the mean girl from her high school. Make it worse by offering to wash her husband’s car.
Your Old Fur Vest
Wearing a fur vest to an interview is the ultimate fashion risk. Something only a downtown, funky, confident, Mary-Kate Olsen type would dare to attempt. Certainly not that dowdy receptionist wearing a cardigan from Old Navy. She’ll be so intimidated, she might even take a whole Xanax.
A Man’s Pajama Top
Nothing says, “I had sex last night and I don’t care who knows it,” like wearing a man’s pajama top to an interview. Is the receptionist that confident in her sexuality? Does she still have a sexuality?
Sweaty Workout Clothes
Trigger that receptionist’s fight-or-flight response with the hormones released in your sweat. In the corporate jungle, you’re the predator, and you will fire her if you get the chance.
Just A Bra Under A Blazer
Skipping a shirt altogether is a great opportunity to show off your superior abs and cleavage. Whatever that receptionist has going on under her sweater (probably just a bunch of C-section scars sitting on each other’s shoulders), it’s clearly not hot enough that she’s willing to show it off.
Knowing that you’ve incited someone else’s midlife crisis will give you the boost you’ll need to nail that interview! And if she survives to your hire date, you’ll at least have one friend in the office. Good luck!