Tired of the same boring old makeup routine? Why not freshen it up with some cool makeup tips for you to fuck up when you realize you’re running late? It doesn’t matter if you’re a makeup novice or a seasoned pro, because you slept through your alarm and there’s no way you’ll pull these off! So try out these awesome tips to totally rush through and ruin when you realize you’re running behind and need to leave right now!
Double Winged Eyeliner
We know you haven’t mastered winged eyeliner yet, but how about double winged liner? It’s like that one technique that you ruin every time, but more complicated! All you have to do is learn how to do a thing you cannot pull off even when you have the time, and add a step! It’s that easy! Pull this makeup trick out 5 minutes before you have to go to work! You already know that you’ll mess this up, but you’ve got to try to be dead sure. And yep! You’ll blink once because you are checking the time on your phone, and it’s all over your eyelid and definitely not in a straight line! Time to take it all off and slap on a smoky eye to cover up this fuckery. Now it’s Tuesday, you’re late, and wearing a super sloppy smoky eye to the office. Fun!
Nude lips are a trend rocked by models who are so hot they’d look good wearing a full trash bag. But good news! Us mere mortals can attempt this look too! We won’t pull it off, but it sure feels good to try! So forget that boring old color colored lipstick and a buy a shade that looks like a melted silly putty! Put it on the second you realize you’re late to girls brunch, then later catch your reflection when you’re too far from your house to actually fix it! You know how weird you look with no eyebrows? This is like that, but worse. Why do you even have lips? Stupid. Stand outside for a painful 5 minutes where you grapple with showing up late and looking like shit, or showing up later with a weird ass red statement lip to cover up your shame. Either way you lose and will be tainted by this horrible nude mistake all day long!
Natural, thick brows are so in right now! That’s why you should artificially enhance your own to rock this deceptively easy look! Get an eyebrow pencil and fill in your brows by making tiny little lines that run in the same direction as your own hairs. You are a genius! An eyebrow artist! Then take a step back and voila! You look like hairy shit! Why did you think you could make this work with so little time? You needed to leave for class ten minutes ago! Time to remove your makeup and forget this ever happened. Who do you think you are?
All the celebrities contour their faces now, so you should too! Never mind the fact that they’re rich and pay people to do their makeup. You live at the poverty line and are about to be late for a wedding. What the hell is your excuse? Follow this really simple guide to contouring that involves making a ‘3’ shape on either side of your face. Quietly wonder, “what the fuck?” while looking at this strange pixilated contour guide you found on Google images. Swallow these thoughts, and keep going. You’re going to look so hot and fake thin! Actually never mind, your mom is waiting for you in the car outside, and you look like you just smeared dirt on your face. Time to wash it all off and apologize for being 20 minutes late to the ceremony.
Why hastily apply one shade of eye-shadow seconds before you head out the door, when you could do two and make it super difficult? Two-toned eye-shadow looks amazing on Instagram models, but not on you with your chronic lateness! Start by applying an eyelid primer. Freak out when you realize how late you are, and put the first shade directly into the wet eyelid primer. This will create a weird beige paste, which is totally fine probably. Just don’t forget to forget to blend! Then add the second shade but accidentally use the same brush you used with the first shade. This will create a new, shittier, single tone of eye-shadow. Fuck! You are so late for this funeral!
Why ruin a perfectly good black or brown eyeliner look, when you could ruin it in different colors? Colored eyeliner is a great way to make your horrible time management skills pop! Try a cool metallic copper if you want to stand out like a demon with a bad case of pink eye! Just remember, whatever color you waste your money on, the goal is to ultimately get overwhelmed and just smudge it all into your eyelid. That way no one notices you tried something new when you roll into work late again.
Highlighter is so on trend right now! It’s a pretty, sparkly way to subtly bring out your features. That is if you weren’t a trash fire human who was late to everything! The key is to blend it in really smoothly, which is a thing you don’t have time for! So instead, half blend it so you have weird shimmery lines all over your face. Wash it off later on in the day when your crush tells you that you have something on your face.
These seven hot new makeup tips are great for you to ruin while running late to any occasion! When other women trade makeup tips, nod and smile like makeup and the time it takes to apply it effectively are things you fully understand!