Socks, like underpants and fascinators, are wardrobe must-haves for any woman with even an ounce of self-respect. While socks come in a variety of materials, like cotton, polyester, silk, and aloe-infused acrylic fleece, all socks need to be folded properly. Chances are, you’re doing it entirely fucking wrong. Here are seven ways you’ve been folding your socks like an absolute little shit.
1. You’re Pretzeling Your Socks
Do you take your socks, line them up, and tie the whole thing into a big knot? You shouldn’t because it’s so stupid. It takes up space in your drawer, looks terrible, and stretches out both socks. What a massive fucking mistake.
2. Jelly-Rolling Your Socks
Maybe you lay one sock on top of the other sock, but instead of JUST STOPPING, you roll them up and stick them in your drawer swirl-side up. This is a pansy way to display socks, okay? You are trying too hard and everyone can tell.
3. Balling Them Up
Good luck fitting more than six of these in your drawer! Also, when you pull one cuff over around a rolled up pair of socks, the elastic in that cuff stretches. After doing this a few times, you’re going to find that one sock is sagging farther down around your ankle than the other one, and that you look like an asshole. And guess what? You are an asshole.
4. You’re Not Folding Them at All
Unlike a functioning person, maybe you do not fold your socks at all and your sock drawer is just an anarchic pile of unmatched socks. I bet you’re late every morning because it takes you so long to get dressed. What’s the matter with you? You are a dumb little shit.
5. You Criss-Cross Your Socks
You place one sock down vertically, and lay its match over it, horizontally then alternately fold the bottoms of the vertically aligned and horizonatally aligned socks up until you have a neat little square. It must be nice to have so much spare time. Why don’t you use some of it to fuck yourself?
6. You Use The KonMari Method
Fuck you if you even know what this means, because the KonMari Method is the official method of little shits. The final step of this method is standing your socks up on their “sweet spot” and if you believe that socks have a sweet spot, go lie down in a toilet right now and give yourself a big flush because you are literally shit.
Folding socks is a part of every day life for most people. But most people are little shits. Just stack your socks flat on top of each other and you’ll be better than them.