After a series of mishaps and hijinks, Buddy and his team have finally delivered their casino-themed cake to the Vice-Mayor of Hoboken, declaring this nail-biter of an episode of Cake Boss a success! This is the moment your world comes crashing down. What are you supposed to do with this awkward 15 seconds until Netflix autoplays the next episode? Here are six helpful ideas to make the most of this terrifying time.
Inspect the concerning mole on your inner thigh.
Sometimes when Buddy rolls out the fondant for the top of a specialty cake, he runs into a little trouble with rolling out air bumps, and the same can be said about the weird bump on your inner thigh. Take a cue from Buddy: Don’t panic, and just try to smooth it out with your finger like faulty fondant. Before you can really begin to figure out if it’s herpes or cancer or herpes-cancer, boom—there’s another episode of Jerseylicious confections!
Think about masturbating, but let the shame spiral start before you even begin.
Sitting in bed all day can send you straight into nap-sturbation mode, but watching Buddy fixate on the tiny sugar people on top of a “We Are The World” cake can prevent you from getting in there to get your job done. During this 15-second moment of peace, let the idea of self-service flood your mind before your Catholic school upbringing immediately makes you feel guilty for the thought alone. Hang on tight to your self-esteem, because you will spend about 12 seconds in this shame spiral. Then, more cakes!!
Google what Dave Coulier is up to these days.
Uncle Joey is so much more than just the subject of Alanis Morissette songs, according to his Instagram he is still actively doing stand-up comedy. You can give it a quick check, since you’ll be all caught up with his life in about 15 seconds. After all, if Cake Boss has taught us anything, it would be that too much old sugar can make your tummy hurt.
Eat the Cheeto stuck in your bra.
It’s been in there since the middle of episode 4, Season 2, which was four hours ago. Just eat it and ignore the orange stain it left on your areola. You don’t have much time.
Memorize the second sentence of the Gettysburg Address.
“Four score and seven years ago…” what comes next? Nobody knows—except Wikipedia. Wikipedia for sure knows what the second line to the Gettysburg Address is. Use this time you have to learn the not-so-famous second line. Promptly forget what you learned as soon as Buddy has a meeting with the Hoboken chapter of Hell’s Angel’s who desperately need a cake of an angel riding on a Harley. Haha, whaaaat?
End racism in one tweet.
Buddy has the power to bring his whole team together to make that mermaid cake to celebrate that rich lady’s divorce, why not use your power to bring others together, too? Try “Fondant doesn’t discriminate, why should you? #racism” or “Cupcakes come in all colors. #stopbeingracist”. You fixed it, just like Buddy fixed all those cakes!
Never again will you panic to fill this down time during a Saturday binge-watching television’s most addictive thought-free show. And just remember what Buddy always says: “Mi Familia!!” or something!