So you’re technically a vegan, but does that really mean you’re going to abstain from animal products and just wear hemp? Vegan materials are harsh and abrasive in comparison to the smooth comforts of leather. Slip out of that organic hand-woven bamboo poncho into these leather jackets that more or less look vegan:
This jacket uses less animal flesh, which is almost like being vegan. In buying a smaller jacket, you are essentially saving the lives of countless animals – or just one, bigger animal. Tell people about the cows you saved by buying this coat, and omit the part where one tiny one was needlessly killed. They’ll rally around your vegan sainthood!
The extra two feet of leather involved in the trench will make even leather fanatics doubt it’s the real thing. You’ll look unstoppable in this impressive feat of cowhide, so unstoppable that no one will dare stop you to ask if it’s synthetic. Of course it is. Wear this into your favorite vegan restaurant with pride and watch your fellow vegans swallow your lies along with their kale salad.
A hooded jacket is the perfect look for someone who wants to look cute and also be able to hide your identity when it counts. This bovine-made hood will keep you warm on long nights spent protesting the maltreatment of animals in captivity. But, the hood will really show its versatility by covering your face from the blood that your PETA friends will inevitably throw on you if they find out.
The symbolism of white is integral to this vegan charade: White is the color of innocence, and to an outside eye it could represent how you, yourself, are pure and would never kill a living thing. You’ll know that it’s really representative of the purity of the lamb you slaughtered to create the jacket, but it’s their take on it that really matters. The glossy, coated finish will say, “I paid a lot of money for this to look fake,” and “I’m so off-trend, I must be vegan.”
Vintage looks are so cute and original! It’s not actually vintage, of course, but you could say it was if someone asked. Vintage leather is semi-forgivable because you’re not technically adding to the animal massacre. Buy it new and beat the shit out of it – it’s already dead, after all. If you get caught in your leather-lie, you can always claim you got it second-hand.
Nothing says vegan like an animal turned inside out for your personal comfort. Let the silky furs of an innocent animal warm you as the hide shields you from the harsh outdoors. This double-murder combo jacket is a great way to make people doubt it’s real: why would anybody be wearing fur, vegan or not? You must be trying to be ironic.
Wearing leather that looks vegan enough is a challenge that every vegan must face. If all else fails and somebody confronts you, just insist that you’re doing it for the health benefits. Nobody will ever question that.