6 Household Items That Can Replace Your Broken Vibrator

Rats! After years of churning out orgasms, Ol’ Trusty finally gave out. Vibrators are expensive to replace, and buying one is mortifying. Avoid a dry spell when your buzzy friend goes to the great Sock Drawer in the Sky with these ingenious replacements:

 

Your Roommate’s Electric Toothbrush

If you could afford an electric toothbrush, you’d have bought a new vibrator by now. So use your roommate’s! For classic stimulation, use the back of the toothbrush head and put the settings on “clean.” If you’re looking for a slow build, try “sensitive” or “polish.” We recommend trying all of the settings. When you’re finished, simply rinse it off and place it back exactly how you found it. She’ll never know!

 

Your Roommate’s Video Game Controller

Remember when she let you play Grand Theft Auto V, and every time the car hit something, it vibrated? Just place a blanket over the controller and your pelvic section and play GTA for awhile! If you can manage to keep the car scraping along the wall of a large factory, you’re in it to win it. You can also run over pedestrians or even drag someone behind the car for more subtle stimulation. For once, her gaming addiction is your pleasure.

 

Your Roommate’s Blender

By now, your roommate knows you’ve been touching her stuff and making it smell weird. To make amends, offer to prepare her a smoothie with her blender. Plug the blender in an outlet low to the floor. Use heavy foods like kale and frozen bananas to add an extra kick to the blending motion. Wear a nightie, gingerly squat over the blender, and squish yourself onto it until the smoothie isn’t the only thing that nice and juicy. Cheers to friendship!

 

 

Your Roommate’s Stereo

She has an amazing stereo with a heavy bass full of orgasmic potential. See what she’s listening to, and casually compliment her on her taste. She will most likely perk up and invite you in to listen to more. When she plays you Drake’s latest album, get really into it, and ask to be alone for a minute to really experience his flow. If she protests, push her out of the room and lock the door. Turn up that bass and beat your pussy up!

 

Your Roommate’s Doorknob

Now that you’re roommate is locked out of her room, she’s probably jerking and twisting that handle trying to get in. Tell her the door is jammed and that she needs to keep trying to open the door. On your side, squish your parts onto the smooth round doorknob and let your roommate’s frantic jerkings take you to another level. Once your passion pocket has been unlocked, fall to the ground and relax. When your roommate finally breaks in and sees you, tell her you passed out from fear.

 

Your Roommate’s Entire Room

Her room is right over the subway line, and those vibrations are keeping her up at night. Offer her your bed for the night and take her sweet, sweet vibrating room! With everything in the room vibrating, there’s no limit to the things you could squish yourself against. Just look for something smooth or roundish, like her free weights, hairbrush, or eyeglass case, and enjoy the ride. Next stop, Climax County!

 

Nothing’s more embarrassing than shopping for vibrators, so use these tips instead. Enjoy your pleasure crusade!

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