Fall is our favorite time of year for festivals, flea markets, and hayrides, all of which you’ll probably miss out on because you’re a loser who never gets invited to anything. But no one needs to know that! Pretend you’re spending time alone on purpose with these Pinterest-worthy autumnal craft projects.
Go outside and gather a basket of acorns, then grab some paint and go to town! Once they’re dry, put them in a decorative bowl on your coffee table to add some fun fall flair to your decor. I mean, what else are you going to put in that bowl? Candy? Mixed nuts? No one’s coming over; you don’t need to put out snacks.
Pumpkin Spice Mason Jar Candles
You’re already living like an 18th-century settler in that you hardly ever see other people, so you might as well make your own candles, too! When you’re done, post a photo on Instagram with #pumpkinspice. It’ll make you feel like you’re part of something, which in reality, you are not!
Heart-Shaped Elbow Patches
Add a dose of cute to your favorite fall sweater! All you need is a heart stencil, felt, thread, scissors, a pencil, and a sewing needle. Lay out the felt on a perfectly smooth surface, like the other side of your queen-size bed. Do not give into the negative mindset that love is a fallacy. Go into a mini blackout and voilà! All your jackets have heart patches now!
Tree Branch Coasters
You ran out of matches on OKCupid, so you’ll just have to be your own wood-chopping lumberjack boyfriend. Fun bonus: You can count the rings to see how old the tree was! But don’t think about how old you’re getting. Hey, come on! Stop that! You still have plenty of time to find a guy who’s into women over 26!
Homemade Pinecone Bird Feeders
Remember the bird lady from Mary Poppins? You’re this close to being that bird lady. The façade of craftiness will only hold off the comparisons a little while longer. These natural homemade feeders are so cost-effective, you can save your tuppence for a new bag!
Spiced (and Spiked) Cider
Okay, this last one’s really more of a recipe. But fuck it—you need to get drunk. This is all you have.
So there you have it! If anyone ever does come over to hang out with you, they’ll think that you live a full, creative life. Or, they’ll wonder why you have so much time to do crafts. Oh well!