After a rough few months, you haven’t seen these friends in a while, but now that you’re on the upswing, it’s time to reunite! Now that you have some impressive tidbits to toss out during conversation, you can reacquaint with whomever you want! Here are the top six buds to send a “Long time no see!” text to, once you’ve paid off that really awful, embarrassing debt and got those rashes cleared up:
Now that you’re making an extra dollar an hour, have lunch with your rich friend, Donna! Make sure that you offer to pay for her food too, and make sure she knows it’s only because of your big promotion. This friendship was off-limits for years due to Donna’s many boats. Show her who’s boss by ordering a full carafe of wine. Check, please!
Invite your college-ex, current-friend Jeremy over to your apartment to show it off, now that you have one! He hasn’t heard from you in two years, but you finally have a nicer apartment than his college dorm room, so it’s time for you to prove yourself better than him. He’s sure to say, “Wow! So glad you’re back on your feet!” And how, Jeremy! And how.
It’s the perfect time to go out on a double date with Jenna from middle school because you have a boyfriend now! She can join you during trips to the bathroom in which you can explain how thrilled you are to finally have a boyfriend as hot as hers, even if he is technically your first “real” boyfriend and he’s starting to smell the desperation on you.
Your brother Kevin always won more awards than you in elementary school, but now that you won a participation award for your adult soccer league, it’s time to take him out for drinks at your favorite sports bar. While he’s telling you about the child he just adopted, slowly place the trophy on the bar while maintaining eye contact. Boom shakalaka!! Suck it, Kevin!!
Your former gay best friend Eric used to make fun of your 1998 Subaru, but now you have a new car because you’re working nights as an Uber driver. Hello, financial independence! Surprise him by giving him a ride as his driver and spend the whole trip showing off your car’s heated seats. Look how well you’re doing! Eric doesn’t even have a car (he lives in Manhattan). Eat shit, Eric!
You haven’t spoken to Nora since she got the lead role instead of you in a 2001 production of Annie, Jr., but now that you’ve finally completed writing your very first screenplay, you should totally call up Nora and read the whole thing to her. She may be a successful television actress now, but no way are you offering her the part! She can still audition, though. When her manager’s intern emails you back, boy are you going to stick it to her!
Remember, spending time with impressive people is a perilous task, but one that you deserve now that one thing has gone well for you. Make sure you always ask how the other person’s doing, but start talking about yourself before they even have the time to say anything.