Having trouble deciding on the perfect baby name? The answer might have been under your nose this whole time. Try these illicit substances if you want to be on the cutting edge of baby name trends:
We’ve all heard “noun” names like Charity and Faith, but come on: you might as well name your daughter Buzzkill! Ecstasy has just the right amount of sex in it to keep things interesting. It also comes with a lot of cool nicknames built-in, like E, Candy, and Skittles, so you’ll never have to worry about your daughter distinguishing herself if the name catches on.
Ketamine is one of those drugs that not everyone is familiar with, so you’ll have other fascinated parents guessing the name origin for years to come. It’s very special, just like your bundle of joy.
Earthy names like Sassafras and Sage are cool, but rarely psychoactive. If you want your little one to be a little wilder than her toddler friends, this is the name for her. It’s fresh, it’s fun, and will make her a big hit when she comes to Coachella with Mommy.
The two-name trend was big in Hollywood a few years ago, but they just didn’t have enough fun with it before it went out of style. Bring it back! This name pretty much guarantees she’ll die young, as all the true geniuses do.
Looking for something a little more international? Popularized by mother Russia, the name Krokodil will let other kids know your son isn’t to be messed with lightly.
Crystal Meth is a little too obvious at this point, but if you like the sentiment and want something more original, use its clinical term. “Stop picking your nose, Methamphetamine!” Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Remember that your baby’s name stays with her forever, so you have to make it count. Don’t buy into the fads – use a name of a classic, enduring drug that people will recognize for years to come.