From your finances, to your career, and your relationships, you’ve got to be responsible for it all. But how do you remember to take your birth control without going through the stressful process of missing your period, buying multiple pregnancy tests, and having three distinct panic attacks? Here are five ways to remind yourself to take your birth control that aren’t being alarmed into remembering by a pregnancy scare!
Set an alarm.
Set a regular old alarm clock to go off at the same time every day. Or, try downloading an app like myPill to receive a daily reminder alarm right from your phone. The noise could be jarring and disruptive to the people around you, but definitely less jarring and disruptive than suddenly realizing you’ve forgotten to take your birth control for six straight days, and mentally walking through the sex you’ve had within that time frame and wondering if James would be a good father.
Enlist your partner as your personal reminder.
Get your partner involved! Have them text you a reminder when it’s time to take your pill. It’s great to have backup support from someone who you know cares about you and also knows you’re truly horrible at remembering this one responsibility in particular. As a bonus, your partner likely has a vested interest in making sure that he, and not your suspiciously late period, is your birth control reminder!
Train a pet.
If you don’t have a trustworthy friend, try using a trustworthy pet! Train your dog to bark annoyingly or train your parrot to say, “Take it now, dumbass!” at the same time every day. Pets are loyal and love routine, so they’ll respond well to having this duty placed on their tiny shoulders. And they’re much easier to care for than the growing fetus you’ll end up with if you leave it up to yourself to remember to take your contraception.
Hire a skywriter.
Looking for something a little more glamorous? A quick Google search will help you to find a stunt pilot who can skywrite, “Take your fucking birth control, Darlene!” outside your office window at the same time daily. This option is a little pricey, but the cost pales in comparison to the cost of the alternate: an ill-timed conception.
Get a shock collar.
Are you a fashionista? If so, a shock collar might be the right birth control reminder for you. Bedazzle your collar with your favorite gems and jewels, then program it to give you a noticeable electric shock at the same time everyday! Worried about the pain? Don’t fret! The mild jolt you’ll receive is much less painful than the realization that your ankles are getting swollen and you’re becoming really sensitive to smells and you’ve forgotten to take your birth control for the past two weeks.
Literally anything is better than forgetting to use your birth control and only remembering once you’re worried you’re knocked up. These fun and easy tips will keep your pill on a clockwork schedule. Try them all! Or, like, maybe get an IUD or something.