Oh, autumn! The season of pumpkins, crunchy leaves, new shoes, and the anniversary of the scaffolding accident that took away my parents. Which was terrible, but I’m living a busy, active life that demands that I take both style and the memories of my parents’ untimely demise into account. Luckily, I can have my cake and eat it too with these five shoes that make me wish mom and dad were still here.
Element Booties ($90)
Take a look at these trauma-reviving stunners! Fur trim adds a fun hint of pink, while a sturdy, stacked heel means you won’t worry about toppling over like those scaffolds did. Don’t get me wrong: I love a high heel as much as the next gal, but sometimes I want a movement-friendly pair that allows me to walk without being reminded of the circumstances surrounding my parents’ death. Tonight, the only thing that’s going to be brought down is the roof! Whoop whoop!
Vintage Profesh Perspective Loafer (Modcloth, $54.99)
Aren’t you just in love with these shoes? The camel-brown trim says “classic”, but the velvety-black fabric says, “This is the color you wore to your parents’ funeral.” Wow. I really wish they hadn’t died. But I couldn’t ask for a more sophisticated pair of shoes to carry me from the office to the wake to every other event in my parentless life. Scaffoldings are dangerous.
Galaxxie Stilettos (Steve Madden, $56)
Get ready to sparkle! Nothing makes a sexier statement than a strappy stiletto, and nothing brings back a tide of unprocessed childhood memories like glitter. Glitter was my mom’s favorite craft material. When this memory resurfaces, I wish that she had not died. She would have loved this shoe in all its purple-sequined splendor, and I would have loved it if she had not been murdered by that scaffolding. Yowzah!
Wild Diva Kate T-Strap Flat (Kmart, $26.99)
My sartorial senses are tingling! The pointed toe on this flirty pair adds a polished accent to a pair of boyfriend jeans, while the gold studs add a glam, unexpected accent of sadness to my life by reminding me that loose studs can cause a scaffolding collapse even if it’s been inspected recently. Now, when I look at these bold beauties, all I can do is wish that death had never taken my parents in such a public, violent way.
Champion Fruit Fashion Sneakers (Keds, $50)
Finally, a cross between style and fruit! Patterned with neon-bright yellow and green pineapples, these twill kicks are a real treat. They barely make me think about my parents’ accident at all! Interesting. Try them in orange for a fresh pop of color, or watermelon for a cheerful print that says, “I forgive you, scaffolding.”
These are fun shoes for anyone whose parents were or weren’t claimed by that bloodthirsty temporary structure!