Your rich, yonic aroma empowers you, bewitching men and women alike into your bedchamber. But sometimes it gets stuffy in there—and we’re not just talking about your room. For those special nights when your clam is really snappin’, light one of these scented candles to get things back down to a reasonable level.
1. Voluspa Yuzu Rose Stonecrop, 11 oz. (Nordstrom, $17)
This stylish candle features a double wick to quickly perfume your whole apartment before your date comes over for a sultry homemade dinner. He’ll be transported to an exotic land by its unique fragrance notes of yuzu, Tuscan rose, white tart strawberry, stonecrop and another one that he can’t quite put his finger on—that dank puss of yours.
2. Mrs. Meyer’s Lemon Verbena Soy Candle, 4.9 oz. (Target, $6.99)
Perfect for girls on the go, this candle’s small size means you can take it anywhere. On days when your coochie smell goes to 11, just throw it in your purse! Let the zesty scent of lemon verbena mellow your own balmy musk, no matter what kind of date you’re on. At three inches in diameter, it fits perfectly into any movie theater cup holder. If he asks why you’re lighting a candle, tell him you’re just “looking to set the mood.” No pussy stank here!
3. Whiskers on Kittens, 22 oz. (Yankee Candle Co., $27.99)
At 22 ounces, this candle can go all night, making it the ideal choice for your when that puss takes over your LSAT study group. As you and your fellow coeds flip through flashcards, the only thing being wafted will be the fanciful scent of Whiskers on Kittens (sandalwood and musk, duh). Without the distraction of that hella intoxicating scent, everybody’s getting into Cornell.
4. King Tiki Citronella Torches (Home Depot, $16.98)
This bad boy will turn your summer barbecues into luaus, and your pussy into an undercover agent of zero-percent stank. And since it comes in a set of four, you will be able to move about the backyard as you please, unshackled by your oven-fresh poon. Bonus: It’s also an insect repellant!
5. Le Labo Santal 26 Concrete Candle, 42.3 oz. (Barneys, $450)
This commanding candle will enhance any office, provided it’s a corner office and you can afford a $450 candle. Rather than simply covering up vaginal odor, this aristocratic palate will harmonize with your naturally rich aroma, creating an aura of dominance certain to give you the upper hand in important negotiations. Who says you can’t seal a deal with that dank puss of yours!
It’s only natural to revel in the erotic stank of your personal bouquet. But when polite society requires you to dilute your power, invest in one of these scent adventures and allow the primal urges of those around you to slip away.