You have an incredible Tumblr following and social media presence in general, but how can you use your appearance to prove that you’re not just another underpaid millennial? Yuck! You want people to know that you’re a millennial with edge and passion who will never have to adhere to a corporate dress code. Here are a few very original, super outgoing pastel hair colors to try out that will let everyone know you’re a child of privilege!
A subtle lavender screams femininity and will have people asking, “How does she afford that apartment?” and other people answering, “She doesn’t. Her parents do. You think she pays for that working part-time in her friend’s jewelry pop-up?” It’s a great way to reflect your enigmatic luxury in your appearance!
Pink is always a good choice if you want to add that extra punch to your shiftless brand. It’s also the perfect color to convey that you have never made your own doctor’s appointment, but that that’s only because you really need to take a year of self-discovery in Europe before you make that leap! With pastel pink as your hair color, you won’t need to vocalize that you’re trying to figure yourself out so you don’t have time for a job—your hair will do it for you!
Baby blue is a great for showing off your wild side and your total lack of student loans. If you like to get a little bit crazy at the clubs on the weekends and also on most weeknights and also sometimes on weekdays, this hair color will help you let loose and shout, “YOLO! I don’t know what bills are LOL!” It’s also perfect for people who respond to their friends’ work woes with, “Why don’t you just quit?” with a look that shows just how much you don’t understand why someone wouldn’t just quit a job.
This lovely upper-class green is roughly the color of U.S. currency. Perfect! That’s the thing you have a lot of, thanks to mom and dad’s wise financial decision-making and inherited wealth. So go ahead, dye your hair this color for a look that says, “I don’t understand the concept of budgeting.”
A Lighter Pastel Pink
This is the color for you if you want to surprise people with just a dash of edginess in a general sea of safe femininity. It’s also a color that subtly whispers that your future is ensured to be stable no matter how unsuccessful your Etsy shop business is because your parents have worked hard their whole lives to provide for you and for your appointment to get your hair dyed in Williamsburg and for your congratulatory post-haircut cocktail!
So get on out to your nearest hair salon (that’s not a gross poor person’s hair salon) and choose from one of these luscious pastels. Your robber baron ancestors would be proud!