It’s easy to make your eyes pop with a metallic eye shadow or some stunning liquid liner. But a face like yours needs more than a smoky eye to even look remotely alive. Too bad you’re incapable of the simplest beauty technique, much less fake eyelashes! These five falsies add an instant touch of glam to your glamourless peepers—that is, if you can get them on straight. (Which you definitely won’t, oops!)
Red Cherry Lashes (Sleekhair.com, $3)
This gorgeous pair can make anyone look like the beautiful Bette Davis in All About Eve. With your shaky hand, you’ll probably look like Bradley Cooper in All About Steve. Handsome!
False Eyelashes in Fabulous (BHCosmetics.com, $3)
Getting ready for a wild night on the town? These feather lashes are perfect for achieving that sensual flamingo look! Uh-oh! You’ve pre-gamed too hard while getting ready and now you look like a dead female seagull.
Revlon Volumize False Eyelashes (Walmart, $5)
These lashes are great for for a flirty first date. You’re super clumsy though—and not in the adorable Zooey Deschanel way—so you’ll likely get glue all over yourself and in your eyes and end up alone forever and maybe have one eye permanently shut. Womp!
Rubie’s Red and Silver Hologram Lashes (Jet.com, $5)
Heading to the discotheque? These eyelashes are perfect for completing your retro look so that you can shake your groove thang in style. Try your best to get them right onto your lashline and NOT in your afro, silly!
Car Eyelashes (AliExpress.com, $4)
These are supposed to go on your car, not your face! Just because you’re a sloppy mess doesn’t mean your ride needs to be, too! Put these on your headlights—FRONT headlights, not the back ones, idiot! Wow, you’re more helpless than we thought.
Fake eyelashes aren’t just for fabulous drag queens or celebrities anymore—basic, graceless gals like you can attempt to wear them, too! Have fun looking not-quite-right while also probably blinding yourself!