Finally finished all of those urgent work emails and Facebook messages to your girlfriends? Treat yourself to these hot manicures that are sure to let everyone know you’re not stepping foot near your computer, or anything else for that matter, because you literally can’t! You literally CANNOT do anything, as your hands are now so beautiful they’ve proven themselves utterly useless.
1. The “I’m a Girl But Also a Cat” Claws
Inspired by the luxurious laziness of the feline, this knife-like look will keep you off social media because you’ve scratched up your phone and MacBook too much for it function properly! Use that free time to hunt man-prey instead! Rawrr!
2. These 10 Little Zebra Dust Pans
The flared nail trend is all the rage amongst Long Island Mediums, and for good reason: You don’t need a computer to connect with the dead! Spend more IRL time with friends who will be so impressed with your overcrowded hands they can’t help but ask, “would you mind sweeping my floor?”
We love this look. It’s DIY upcycling at its finest! Reach into your receptionist’s candy dish and glue whatever you find to your fingers. Remember, nothing is off-limits when it comes to nail art—except typing. 3-D nail art is sure to tell your boss that your creativity cannot be held in by a mountain of important shit to do.
4. Thick, Painful Shininess
Contracted something from an unscrupulous salon and can’t go into work? Make it look intentional, like you’re really into gumballs or something! Just because you’re in constant pain doesn’t mean you can’t look cute!
5. The “I Tore My Nails Off Just Putting My Pants On” Minimalist Look
(Image withheld for the faint of heart.) Has a simple human function destroyed your intricate artwork? Don’t fear—this simple style is just as head-turning! Thank god you don’t have any important shit to type, because your computer would be covered in blood. Take the necessary time off to heal and you’ll miss using your hands too much fall for a nail trend again. JK. You can’t wait for those babies to grow back!
Have fun with these looks, ladies! You may lose LinkedIn contacts or Google calendar updates, but you have to follow your bliss straight into fake-nail heaven.