5 Moves That Will Tone Your Flabby Winter Labia

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It’s time to shed those pesky panty pounds and tone that taco! Here are five exercises that will help you get the rock-hard labia you always dreamed of, so your bikini wax isn’t all for naught this summer!

 

1. The Vagina Push-Up - The original “girl” pushup, this move will tone the connective muscles and that make the perfect shapely labia. Position yourself on a chair with your labia relaxed. Gradually straighten your labia until you are suspended above the chair, using the strength of your labia to lift your entire body. Return to start, and repeat 12 times.

 

2. Russian Dead-Lifts – Don’t worry, these dead-lifts will make you feel truly ALIVE! Stand straight with both feet firmly planted on the floor. Bend over to touch the ground, and then using the strength of your labia, bring your body back to standing. Be careful not to engage the legs, buttocks, or back. This move should rely entirely on the strength of your cooter. Return to start and repeat six times.

 

3. Vulvasana/Warrior 7 - Sure, yoga is great for relaxing, but did you know you can use yoga to tone and sculpt your loose, floppy vagina? Find a comfortable seated position and bring your awareness to your breath. Once you are relaxed and centered, begin “blooming” your labia until you find your edge. Hold for three slow breaths and release.

 

 

4. Queef-Burpees – Burpees are the ultimate power-move, combining essential fat-burning cardio and muscle building to build a strong, hard, powerful set of labia. Begin standing upright and then jump down and out into a plank. Queef three times and then jump forward and return to standing. Repeat eight times.

5. Twat-Squat (requires a kettle bell) – Place an 8kg kettle bell on the floor between your legs (you may want to chalk your labia for a better grip). Maintaining stability in your core, squat down until your labia can grab the weight firmly. Return to standing with the kettle bell firmly squeezed between your labia. With control, reverse motion to return the kettle bell to the floor. Repeat four times using the labia majora, and four times isolating the labia minora.

 

Practice these moves daily and you’ll have all the guys scoping your sculpted crotch at the beach this summer!

COMMENTS

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  • http://mavenhaven.blogspot.com Maven

    THIS IS AMAZING.

  • skunkworks

    Now this is an article that really gets a guy’s attention!!! It sucked me in as soon as I saw LABIA in the title!!!

  • thejukebox

    There’s supposed to be six exercises but they only list 5. Someone needs to edit things better.

  • Benjamin Gerow

    These are clearly for a novice. Tweet me when the twat press, clam clamp and cuntfit have been incorporated. #dontbeapussy