The holiday season is upon us, and so is the release of the hotly anticipated latest episode of the Star Wars series. But while you love Starbucks’ holiday drinks, you’ve never seen any of the films that make up the most popular franchise of all time. It’s time to make that mocha do the talking for you! Here are five Starbucks drinks that politely let everyone know not to expect a conversation about Star Wars with you.
1. Peppermint Mocha = “What’s a wookie?”
Try this sweet holiday treat that doubles as a billboard that says, “ I’ve never seen Starwars but I do understand its cultural significance and I really don’t want to step on any toes.” The candy cane flavor will explain to those around you that you just missed the window of time it when it made sense to first watch it, and after that it was like, meh.
2. Gingerbread Latte = “Is it like Star Trek?”
Worried someone might assume you know what an ewok is? Order this Starbucks classic that screams, “I know, I know, I know, I just never got around to it, haha. I saw a Marvel movie, though. That’s similar, right?”
3. Chestnut Praline Latte = “I dunno, I’m not really into loud movies.”
All your friends are super psyched about the upcoming Star Wars film, and it can get a little tiring having to explain that you only know who Carrie Fisher is because of When Harry Met Sally. This scrumptious brew says, “Seriously, I don’t know why I’ve never seen it. My dad grew up in the 70s but he’s not much of a sci-fi guy so he never showed it to us. And I was more into Mary-Kate and Ashley movies when I was younger. Do you wanna talk about Passport to Paris instead? I know that one very well, haha.”
4. Christmas Cookie Latte = “Wait, who’s the breathey guy?”
“Luke, I am your father”? This cookielicious latte will say something more along the lines of “Haha, uh, who?”
5. Eggnog Latte = “I like that one girl’s buns, tho.”
Okay, you know there’s a scene with garbage or something and you know there is a big furry monster that seems to be their pet, maybe? Unclear. You of all people desperately need a drink that will prevent people from assuming that you understand why the hell they use weapons that look like Push Pops. This festive bev will keep Star Wars fans at a comfortable distance. Stay back, trivia aggressors!
This holiday season will no doubt be a stressful one for you as the most popular movie franchise of all time that you know absolutely nothing about rears its ugly head again. Luckily, these helpful Starbucks treats will do all the talking for you. Ugh, maybe you should just watch it.