You made it! You’re finally hanging with the guys! You’re chill, you’re down, but sometimes your buds say stuff that sounds kind of…misogynist? While explicitly expressing your feminist critique of their behavior might kill the vibe, here are some empowering feminist quotes to mumble when you’re out of earshot:
“I myself have never been able to…bluhhh…what feminism is: I only know that people call me a…something…whenever I express sentiments that…[cough]…me from a doormat.”
Your buddy Dave confides in you about his ex, and he says, “Bitches be crazy.” You hesitate before saying, “Maybe not all bitches are crazy.” He laughs and asks if you’re on your period. Now would be the perfect time to break out this Rebecca West quote, so you settle for murmuring the gist of it, softly to yourself.
“Irony has…a…uhh, a way of ‘having it both ways’, of…Anybody want anything?…sexist or homophobic or otherwise unpalatable sentiments in an ironised form, while…You sure?…this was not actually ‘meant.’”
You get up and ask if anyone wants anything from the kitchen. Jamie says, “Make me a sandwich, woman.” You and Rosamund Gill know that his post-feminist irony is untouchable—if you complain, you can’t take a joke—so you quietly mutter the quote to yourself while you make Jamie’s sandwich.
“You painted a naked woman because you…blah blah blah…looking at her…[wind noises]…a mirror in her hand and you…[honking]…the painting, ‘Vanity.’”
You’re all in the car listening to NPR, and Kim Kardashian is the guest on Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me. Everybody hates her, but “She’s hot, though” is the general consensus. You wish you could use John Berger to expose the irony of simultaneously condemning Kim K’s interest in beauty and being turned on by its results. Not wishing to appear jealous of Kim, however, you mouth Berger’s words out of the window of Jason’s convertible, knowing that they’ll be swallowed by the wind.
“When a man…shhhh…his opinion he’s a man. When a woman…hisssss…her opinion, she’s a bitch.”
You mention that you hate Game of Thrones. The fellas look at you with surprised panic in their eyes, and when you don’t back down, they all fall into an uncomfortable silence. Winston mutters into his Heineken, “No need to be a bitch about it.” This would be the perfect time to recite Bette Davis’ quote about double standards, but you can sense that you’ve already overstayed your welcome, so you just whisper it to yourself as you get up to get more beer.
Just because you like to hang out with guys doesn’t mean you have to renounce your feminist ideals; you can have the best of both worlds by simply making it difficult to hear you. You go, girl!
