You’ve gone years avoiding the inevitable – but your intervention may finally come at a moment’s notice, and you need to be prepared. If it’s inescapable that your friends and family are going to sit you down and force you to face your demons, the least you can do is show some respect and prepare for it by looking fine and fierce. Here are some crucial fashion tips to follow, just in case today is the day:
1. Look Smart
There’s going to be a roomful of eyes on you, so there’s no excuse for looking like a slob. Eveningwear is just as questionable, so the ideal dress code is snappy casual. Be the trendy, breezy cool girl you hoped you would be when you were a little girl. Put together an outfit that says, “Ha, ha. I look better than you do!” At least on the outside.
2. Add a Belt—Or Two!
A belt is an essential multi-functional tool: It can be used as a lightweight and effective weapon when fighting off your so-called “loved ones” who just “care about you” so much. When you get dressed every afternoon, throw on a belt and you’ll be ready for whatever your loved ones throw at you.
3. Wear Sneakers
Think you can run from ten of your closest friends and family members while wearing stilettos? Think again. If sneakers aren’t in your regular repertoire, it’s time to add them to the rotation. If you’re able to run in high heels, however, they are also great for self-defense.
4. Wear Your Hair Down
Ponytails and braids are like handles for people to steer you around and control you, which is basically saying you give up before the fight for autonomy has even begun. What are you, a quitter? No, you’re not. That’s why you keep on doing this, over and over, letting down everyone around you.
5. Wear as Much Jewelry as Possible
Heavy jewelry can be used to restrain someone, should you need to peacefully defend yourself. But if things get violent as they often do after a three-day bender, you can always can rip out your belly button piercing and use it as a last resort.
It can be a challenge to follow these rules every day; they are going to try to catch you off-guard – don’t let it happen! Until then, look good and say a halfhearted prayer that your intervention happens sooner rather than later. Stay fabulous!