Whitney got a dumb fucking haircut and now she’s being showered in compliments. Unfortunately, not everyone can follow your heroic lead of saying, “Wow, your hair… It’s gone.” For all of Whitney’s friends and coworkers who actually like this atrocity, we’ve got some easy DIY eye exam charts so you too can find out if you are visually impaired, once and for all.
A Snellen Eye Chart Glued To A Doily
Handing someone an eye chart glued to a doily is a cute, simple way of saying, “Sweetie, I love you and all, but I’m pretty sure your retinas are corroding if you actually like Whitney’s bob. No biggie though! Let’s just walk through this together.” Throw a few of these cute crafts in your purse and you’ll be ready to ask people which direction the E is pointing whenever nice words come Whitney’s way.
Hand-Calligraphed Eye Chart On A Post-It
This eye chart is both cute and work-friendly (We are talking about this eye chart, NOT Whitney’s haircut).This is a breezy, fun, casual way to slide an eye exam to a co-worker mid-meeting after they said, “Oh, Whitney got a haircut. Looks nice.” The post-it says, “Not a big deal, I just I think your eyeballs are caving inward and your affliction has cause you to hand out misguided compliments. Can you read these letters?”
Rustic Eye Chart Carved Into Driftwood
Okay, so you ran out of doilies and post-its. What don’t these assclowns understand? JUST BECAUSE SOME DUMB GIRL CUTS A FEW INCHES OFF HER HAIR DOESN’T MEAN IT’S GOOD OR CUTE. It’s your job to make sure everyone’s vision is up to snuff! Whip out your pocket knife (we know you’ve got one, girl!) and carve a quick eye exam into a piece of driftwood that’s washed up on the beach. Next time someone tells dumb Whitney, “I could never pull off that look, but you rock it, girl!” throw this quick n’ easy block of wood in their face with the request for a quick read. Whitney won’t notice—she’ll be too busy soaking up all the attention of her tragically nearsighted friends.
Spelled Out In Garbage
This is the perfect on-the-go project that’s both quirky and useful. When Hot James tells stupid-ass Whitney, “Damn, I didn’t think you could get hotter, but… DAMN!” You’ll have about 35 seconds of Whitney blushing and flirting to whip up an eye exam out of cigarette butts and crushed cans. Whatever it takes to pull Hot James aside and let him know that he should probably have his driver’s license revoked! He’ll be so impressed by your makeshift optometry, he’ll totally forget that you just handled rotting Korean food.
Just Point To Signs And Ask What They Say
In a pinch, this will do just fine. Whether or not Whitney’s boss can read “CAUTION: CONSTRUCTION AHEAD” will speak volumes about the sincerity of her compliment. Sure, she may say she “loves” Whitney’s new ’do. But, like the rest of these chumps fawning all over Whitney’s hair, she likely actually has two glass eyes.
If nothing else, the one good thing to come from this barf-worthy haircut is that, thanks to you and your crafty skills, dozens of people have become aware of their deteriorating vision. You’re welcome, World!