Instead of just going to a bar for a first date, why not do something more creative? Make the experience fun by thinking outside the box! Go on one of these five alternative first dates that you’ll end up recycling for future first dates as you slowly go on the same date over and over again until you die, all alone, with nobody to care for you at all. Good luck!
Go To a Food Festival!
Grab a bite at every food truck and walk around with some guy who you definitely won’t spend the rest of your life with, or even a second date, statistically speaking. Watch as the faces of the men you’ve dated start to blur together just like all the corndogs and tacos! And when you’re still going on this first date in your eighties, it will be a great way to stay active up right up until the day you die.
Take a Painting Class
The bonus of this date idea is that you have something to share with this guy at the end of the date that will be just a little different every time – in the end, don’t all guys you’ve met one time and not really liked sort of blend together with their bland shirts and nervous laughter? At your funeral, the hundreds of paintings you’ve made can be displayed on the walls as a testament to how creative and yet singular you are. You’re gonna RIP, we guess!
Go To a Theme Park
Bring some dud you’ll never see again to a theme park for a good time that doesn’t really factor him in all that much! You’ll be able to have a really boring conversation in line and then squeeze his sweaty hand when he’s scared on a rollercoaster. You’ll keep bringing first dates to the park until you’re so old you just sit there, sharing a soft pretzel with whoever the fuck you’re dating today, and hope you both don’t choke. If you’re lucky, at least that means you’ll die side by side instead of all alone!
Pretend You’re a Tourist
You told him you’d be the one in the red sweater. Instead, wear a backpack, carry a map, and approach him saying, “Bonjour, où est le parc?” He’ll probably think you’re just some French woman, which will always seem fresh to him but get incredibly old for you. Really, you are just seeing the same landmarks and museums over and over again with different boring guys, and soon you will die.
If dying alone scares you, just remember: Nothing is scarier than committing to someone who might just be sort of okay!