Lighting a candle in your bathroom can be luxurious – and a lifesaver, if you need to disguise any funky bathroom business. Of course, you can never really cover up the smell of poop; you can only create a new aroma that is both poop-like yet fragrant. If your bathroom happens to smell like shit, here are five candles to keep near your toilet so your bathroom smells more like a hideous shit-perfume combo.
Diptyque Vanille ($64)
If you’re looking to buy a high quality candle that Beyoncé loves, look no further than the diptyque vanille candle. This popular candle will fill your home with scents of floral vanilla enhanced with sandalwood and elemi. Take a shit, then light this baby up, as long as your goal it to make your bathroom smell more like a vanilla turd than just a regular ol’ turd. Oh, what decadence!
Le Labo Santal 26 ($65)
This vegan candle will fill your space with smoky, leathery notes. Le Labo boasts that this candle burns for up to 60 hours, so you’ll be able to cover up at least 200 shits. Of course, you can’t actually conceal poop stench, but you can make your bathroom smell like an aromatic dump swirl. You’re so fancy!
Jonathan Adler Hashish ($68)
A mixture of green apple, wormwood, black currant and moss, this earthy candle is the one you’ve been dreaming about. Set this near your toilet, and everyone will be grateful you’ve given them such a high-end option for veiling their nasty poop. No matter how long you leave this wick lit, rest assured your crap and patchouli fusion will still stink. Ooh, la la!
Cire Trudon Prolétaire ($95)
This scent is reminiscent of springtime, which is a time when you poop a ton! Pick up this candle and be confident that the scent of your fibrous poops and the Lily of the Valley will blend to create an even more devastating mixture. Wow, life is incredible for fancy people!
Yankee Candle Honey Clementine ($10)
Why spend a lot of money on a candle when your house is just going to smell like your diarrhea? Buy this one and save some cash, since you’re gonna feel the deep, deep shame no matter what you light up.
Here are five candles to keep in your bathroom so it stops smelling like shit and starts smelling like a shit-perfume amalgamation. Or just like, light a match. You know, so your whole house can smell like a burnt shit! Haha, at least you’re rich!!