Some people think the afterlife is a time for reflection, penance, or eternal damnation, but it doesn’t have to be! Here are five rockstar lady ghosts who are seizing the day after their death and finding happiness in the spookiest places:
Goody Newton from Colonial Times
Some guy in colonial times wanted to take Goody Newton’s house and land, but she wouldn’t agree to it because she was living there. So he called her a witch and people were like, “sounds right” and had her killed. But she’s having the last laugh, haunting the men’s room of the Onion Town Grill and Sports Bar, where she steals beers and startles men while they pee, causing them to splash pee on their pants. Talk about finding your purpose – you do you, Goody!
Lisa Who Fell Off a Boat
Lisa fell off a boat and drowned because her boyfriend insisted on speeding around the cove at top speed and ran into a rock. But that doesn’t stop her from leading a blissed-out afterlife envisioning herself as a mermaid floating in the waves. Sometimes she’ll flash a sailor and lure him to his watery death because you only die once! Viva la Muerte!
Jane, The Captain’s Wife
Jane Woodleton spent 30 years pacing the porch of her beachfront home waiting for her husband to arrive home from a sea journey. Turns out he actually just moved to the West Indies without telling her, but that didn’t stop Jane from learning that there is so, so much more life to live, even when you’re dead. In the afterlife she sabotages the placed bets of any dude with a mustache at Foxwoods Casino. She’s loving the afterlife in her own magical way. Go Jane!
Lil’ Sugar provided company to truck drivers passing through a truck stop in Grovertown, Indiana until one guy murdered her after claiming she gave him an “ugly look”. Now dead, she practices embroidery and cuts the breaks on trucks that honk loudly at small ecofriendly cars. Sugar’s really making the best beyond the veil!
We don’t know exactly what a man did to Daphne that led to her death but it definitely involved a staircase because she’s been giggling and grabbing dicks on the top step of the staircase of the Historic Hampton Inn in Virginia for over forty years. Shine bright, Daphne! You’re a haunting inspiration to us all!
Death doesn’t mean the end of you! In fact it’s a great excuse to be reborn and live the life you couldn’t imagine when you were in a body.