Face it: sometimes you just want people to know that you’re a sexual woman who has touched a dick, but it can be weird to come out and say it unsolicited. It can be super hard to telegraph that you’ve caressed a D with a busy professional life, friends and a loving family, but not to worry: Here are four simple things to do with your hands to let people know that, yeah, you’ve def touched a dick or two in your lifetime.
Peel a Banana
Bananas are a notoriously phallic food. And while it’s no secret that eating one is extremely sexy, did you know that peeling them makes it very clear that you’ve definitely touched a penis? It’s true! If you peel a banana with the right attitude, everyone in your immediate surroundings will be looking at you and thinking, “Uh, yeah, she’s touched a dick.”
Drive a Stick-Shift
Now that most cars are automatic, the subtle art of “driving stick” seems to be a thing of the past. Still, for those still in possession of a manual transmission, you’d better believe fondling that stick is gonna make all the boys go, “She has for sure touched a dong!” Honk, honk!
Play the Trombone
All instruments require some level of dexterity, but the trombone in particular requires fancy hand coordination that will let everyone know you’ve not only felt up a peen, but you were really skilled at it and are also really musically talented! For maximum dick-touching publicity, try busking in a crowded subway station, or joining a marching band. The more people know you’ve touched a dick, the better!
Wave, but Do It As If You’re Giving a Handjob
Whether you’re waving to your best girl from across the street, or waving at a stranger just for fun – a wave is a great opportunity to let people see for themselves that your hand has spent time on a dick. Try cupping your hand into a “c” shape for that has-touched-a-dick look that everyone knows and loves. Then move it up and down like you’re giving a nice, long handjob to your favorite dick. Sure, you’ll look a little weird, but it’ll all be worth it when your friend shouts out from the other side of the intersection, “Hey girl! You’ve touched a dick, haven’t you?”
Just Kind of Hold a Dick
You get it, girl! Show ‘em you know how!!
You’re a grown woman who loves the D, so why not let the whole world know that your hand has felt plenty of dicks? Just do these things in public and everyone will be saying, “Uh oh. That woman knows what she’s doing with a peen!”