Thinking about politics has always been exhausting, but these days it feels like it’s taking its toll on your mind and your body. Exercise is a great way to take your mind off the stressors of politics and back on the things that really matter, like what’s wrong with your sad, stupid body! Here are four exercises perfect for getting your mind off politics and back onto the cultural beauty standards that we’re used to.
Pilates
Pilates is the perfect way to burn fat and build strength quickly, and the constant stream of your instructor telling you to “tighten those glutes” is just what you need to stop thinking about Trump’s ties to Russia and the overall decline of our nation. Now you can think about how the size and shape of your glutes fit into the patriarchal standards of beauty. Is the patriarchy responsible for Trump’s rise to power? Is it his fault you’re here in the first place? Don’t think about it too much! Just start staring at that mirror and get to work, girl!
Underwater Cycling
If you want to really want to release those negative vibes, try a cycling class that fell into a pool! Once you get into the groove, you stop thinking about any of the potential civil or global and start harping on how exercising in a bikini emphasizes all the things you hate about your body because someone else told you to hate them from the time you were a little girl. Your government may be broken, but remember: Your body is, too!!
Inversion Yoga
Let your body relax into the long fabric hanging from the ceiling and relax as it supports your body weight. Take a deep inhale and deep exhale while you let the lies of the White House float away and focus solely on the lies that of the fashion industry that tell you that you need to be thin and flexible and in order to matter in this world. Are you going to break this fabric because you’re too heavy? Think about that for an hour. Now that’s true relaxation!
Pole Dancing
Want to feel strong and empowered? Get yourself to a pole dancing class! You might get dizzy from spinning so many times, but it’s better than the vertigo you feel thinking about raising your future daughter in this country. So think instead about pushing yourself until you can hold yourself on a pole with nothing but the strength of your own thighs, because a pole is just a stand-in for a man and everything is really about pleasing men. Whoa, that’s a lot to think about! Now the only politics on your mind are the politics of a woman’s body!
Try one of these excellent workouts next time you want to stop being depressed about what’s outside of you, and focus on what’s wrong with you yourself!
