So you’ve made the very difficult and painful decision to publicly own your sexual assault and expose your abuser in the process, and now you’re finally receiving all the positive recognition and, more importantly, the loads of money and fame that abuse victims get when they come forward! But if your assault money is your first big paycheck, you might not know how to invest it properly! Don’t worry, here are three ways to manage all the fame and fortune you’ve suddenly come into after disclosing your sexual assault and outing your abuser.
Open an offshore bank account.
Why else would women go through the incredibly invasive and hurtful process of outing men for sexually assaulting them if not for all the money they always receive afterward? Sure, your entire life and sexual history gets dragged through the mud but, um CHA-CHING! Anyway, try opening an offshore bank account and squirreling it away there! That way, your fortune will be safe and hidden even if your identity is stolen by another woman who so desperately wants the fame that you’ve achieved just by exposing the most private and devastating details of your sexual abuse. Any woman would!
Move to the countryside.
After you blow the whistle on the scumbag who sexually assaulted you at great personal emotional cost, you’ll inevitably have to deal with a flood of fans and notoriety and might need some quiet time away from all the men on Twitter who adore you now. Try moving to the countryside to escape the spotlight! Plus, all your brand new cash flow will be stretched further outside of the confines of a city. Right now you may be living it up in a tiny New York City apartment near all your friends and family and your job. But you could probably buy a whole house deep in the Ozarks for that money! Go hide there with your new riches! Wasn’t it worth outing an abuser for the scum he is in exchange for some peace and quiet?
Hire a PR firm.
If worst comes to worst, and you’re not personally prepared to deal with all the favorable attention and oodles of money you’ll get after you publicly reveal the identity of your sexual abuser, try hiring a PR firm to manage your estate. They’ll know the best ways to market yourself as the celebrity sexual abuse victim you’ve recently become and to manage the unlimited wealth that comes with that territory. Be certain to choose a firm that has a history of working with clients that got rich and famous off of their public sexual assault accusations so you know that they know what they’re doing. Talk about empowering yourself!
Dealing with all the fame and fortune that you’ve come into after publicly outing your sexual assaulter, because that’s why you did it in the first place, can be overwhelming. With these three tips, handling your brand new charmed life of ease and enjoyment will be a breeze!