We’ve all been there. You’re having a nice time watching a new flick with your mom and dad, when suddenly you’re blindsided by a sex scene and forced to stare, entirely straight-faced, at two actors rubbing parts onscreen. Luckily, an easy way out of this situation is magic tricks! Here are three sleight of hand tricks to try on your parents during any sex scene.
The French Coin Drop
You know the French Coin Drop. It goes something like, “The quarter’s in my left hand, and now it’s not!” What you may not know is how simple it is. Instead of lunging for the remote control to knock both your parents unconscious during the Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis Black Swan sex scene, try your hand at this traditional vanishing trick. Begin by throwing your body in front of your flatscreen and shouting, “You look like you could use some MAAAAGIC!” The trick should be a piece of cake from there on out.
The Double Lift
When you realize a movie’s R rating isn’t only for extreme violence, the Double Lift can be a total lifesaver. To do this trick, you’ll need a deck of cards. Pretend to show your parents the top card in the deck, but actually show them the second card in the deck to give the illusion that the top card has vanished. This is a basic sleight of hand technique that will come in handy time and time again. For example, when you’re watching Something’s Gotta Give and Jack Nicholson is suddenly panting all over Diane Keaton’s body. Presto!
Levitating a Dollar Bill
All you need to avoid silently watching James McAvoy bone Keira Knightley in a library is a dollar bill and a nickel. You’ll want to practice this trick beforehand, but the prep time will be worthwhile. If you’re in a movie theater, just boot up the ol’ iPhone flashlight to detract from the flesh-rubbing happening on screen. Don’t worry about getting this trick perfect – it just needs to be good enough your parents look away from the sexual extravaganza before them and back toward your flurry of magicianship!
You’re probably not going to get any of these tricks right away, and that’s okay! Practice makes perfect. Just remember: Your parents don’t want to look at a prosthetic dick next to you, either. As long as you’re all focused on something other than close-up erotic panting, you’ve worked enough magic.