3 Simple Cocktails to Enjoy Before Drunkenly Discussing Your Childhood Traumas With a Stranger

Sometimes, when you’re feeling down, nothing is better than drinking by yourself at a friendly bar. It can be cathartic to let loose a bit and trade stories with a kind stranger who’s also looking to get something off her chest. And sometimes that lack of inhibition can turn a funny anecdote into an impromptu therapy session. Whoops! Here are three simple cocktails to enjoy before you drunkenly discuss your childhood traumas with a complete stranger!


Gin and Tonic

A classic that’s hard to screw up! Have a couple of these and, in no time, you’ll be tipsy enough to talk to someone you’ve just met about that time your grandma accidentally burned your forehead with a curling iron and you had to go to school with a giant mark on your face and your classmate Ashley J. told everyone it was poop and your whole class called you “poop girl” until you left for summer break and then one of your classmates went to the same sleepaway camp as you that summer and told everyone that story and so all your camp friends started calling you “poop girl” too. Haha! Fucked up, right?



A classy drink for a classy gal! Add one part vermouth and mix with your choice gin or vodka. Either way, one or two of these and you’ll be telling a fellow bar patron you’ve known for exactly 17 minutes about when you got invited that slumber party for Madison K. who sometimes bullied you and you didn’t want to go but your mom was on the PTA with her mom so she made you and Madison and the rest of the girls at the sleepover offered to give you a “makeover” but really they just wrote ‘I STUFF MY BRA’ on your forehead in eyeliner and took a picture before you could stop them and uploaded it to their Xanga and then did that thing where they pretended they couldn’t hear you for the rest of the night until your mom finally came and picked you up in the morning. Alcohol is amazing!



Cape Codder

Ahh, vacation in a cup. Mix vodka with cranberry juice to taste, that’s it! Just don’t use too much juice, or you’ll completely mask the vodka, making it way too easy to throw back a few of these summery cocktails and wax poetic to someone who is not your friend or even your acquaintance about the time you got your first period but you were staying at your great-aunt’s in super rural upstate NY for a few weeks so you had to walk two miles to a general store to get tampons and you didn’t know you could flush them down the toilet so you threw them in the trash and when your great aunt saw them she called you a floozy because in her day only ‘loose girls’ used tampons and made you pick them all out of the trash and flush them down the toilet but then the toilet clogged so she had a plumber come and she made you explain why the toilet was clogged to him and then made you stay in the bathroom while he pulled all your individual used tampons up from the bend of the toilet and you were so embarrassed that you stayed in your room for three days and she died the next spring and you had to go to her funeral and pretend you loved her when really she made you feel so low that one time and no one else knew about it. Whoa, didn’t even know you had that in you, huh? Vodka is crazy!!


There’s nothing wrong with sipping a drink or two and striking up a conversation with someone you’re unfamiliar with. Order one of these simple cocktails and you’ll be fostering an uncomfortable camaraderie with a stranger in no time!


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