We are sick and tired of the harmful, despicable rumors out there that bats are “scary”. To lay this false stereotype to rest, we’ve compiled a list of 13 completely non-spooky bats. Here is that list.
This Rare Bat
The Indiana bat is an endangered species that probably doesn’t live anywhere near your bedroom. He may look a bit like the common little brown bat, but is set apart by his pink lips that will almost certainly never touch your sleeping skin. No scary over here!
This Big-eared Bat
This Townsend’s big-eared bat likes to make his home in dark areas like caves, abandoned mine tunnels, and old buildings. Although the mainstream media would have you believe these are the spookiest, most haunted places to live, we prefer to think of them as warm, bat-filled discotheques!
This Small Bat
Look how tiny!! The common pipistrelle is the most widely seen bat species in Europe, where many countries have been designated rabies-free. Unless you’re going somewhere in Eastern Europe or Asia, you don’t have to worry about this little buddy alighting on your sleeping body and infecting you in your sleep, leaving no mark. Rabies is fatal in almost 100% of cases, but again, you probably don’t have to worry about it. This bat is not scary!
This Sick Bat
This species of bat, called the little brown bat, is being decimated by an epidemic called white nose disease. Human activity in bat areas causes them to grow a deadly fungus on their fur. Now who’s the scary one, you or this fungus-covered sick bat whose main enemy is humans? Nothing to be afraid of here!
This Bat In Particular
While this common fruit bat may have visible giant claws, they are held firmly in place by expanses of webbed flesh. Not scary! We are experts, after all.
This Angry Bat
Ha ha, aww! This little brown bat hates the doctor! Unless you’re a doctor, you have nothing to fear. You’re not a doctor, are you?
This Silly Bat
This large flying fox is sticking tongue out as if to say, “I may not be able to echolocate, but I can see very well with my large eyes.” Ha ha, he sees you! Not scary, not one bit!
This Dead Fruit Bat
This half-preserved fruit bat may be wearing half its body like a weird fur coat, but that doesn’t mean he’s scary! We here at Bat Fancy like to think of this little fella as a wonderful example of how creative bats can be.
This Baby Bat!!!
Awww! Come on, people, look how not-scary this bat is! This orphaned sweetie’s wings are agile enough that he can hold the bottle himself. We wonder what else he can do with those little conscienceless claws! But we remain confident he would only grow to full size and scratch out the fleshy parts of your face in your living room if you gave him reason to do so.
This Regular-looking Bat
People who don’t know anything about bats may incorrectly categorize this Honduran white bat as “scary” or “what the shit is that,” but as bat experts, we’re here to tell you that this bat is not scary just the way he is.
This Flying Bat
Sorry—not scary! Don’t believe everything you see on TV!
This “Ghost Bat”
While this bat is literally called a “ghost bat”, we can assure you he is a bat, not a ghost! We can’t prove ghosts aren’t real, but we can prove this little buddy we die someday. And that’s not scary—that’s life!
‘Nother Dead One
And here’s a dead one. What’s scary about that? He could only hurt you if he came back to life, but he’d have to rip through those pins, break through the glass, and hoist his enormous gonads out of the display case to come and find you. Put that fear to rest—this bat ain’t scary!
There you have it: 13 perfectly not-scary bats.
Sponsored by Bat Fancy.