At 116 years old and counting, it seems that Erma Iacono has found the secret to longevity, and it might not be what you think.
“Daily doses of crank and bareback sex with strange men has kept me feeling young and sprightly,” says Iacono, with a smile: “116 years is a long time, but it feels short when you live like I do.”
On a sunny day in Reno, Nevada, the diminutive woman, called “Miss Erma” by her nursing home’s staff and “Big Mama Ice” by her fuckbuddies, wrapped a shawl around her neck while strolling the grounds of her territory and shared her daily routine: “I eat a bowl of cold cereal in the morning, go for a walk, specifically to buy methamphetamine off of a biker. Then we have unprotected sex.”
Over the past 116 years, she witnessed two world wars, the invention of the airplane, and the Great Depression; but nothing depressed her more than when the first methamphetamine ban went through in the 1970s.
“I thought I’d be in a nursing home by that time, but then a motorcycle gang took me under their wing. I had sex with all of them.”
“Snorting instead of smoking or injecting the crank helped keep my skin looking young and my veins intact,” she explains, showing off pictures of her great-great-granddaughter. “Whenever they’d call me their old lady, I’d say, ‘Who you callin’ old?’ And we’d just laugh and laugh.”
While centenarians attribute many different things to their longevity, Erma remains steadfast that a simple life of unsafe sex and controlled substances helped keep her around this long.
“Also, never get married. Men will suck you dry.”