100 Things To Call Brad That Aren’t ‘Boyfriend’

Hate Date - Reductress

Labels are impossible! You’ve been hooking up with Brad for about a month and neither of you are seeing anyone else, but last night when you asked him if he’s your boyfriend, he said, “I’m getting a call,” and left the room without his phone. It’s probably only a matter of time before the word “boyfriend” is fair game, but since he’s going to be weird about it, here are 100 terms you can use instead!

 

  1. Guy I’m dating
  2. That dude
  3. Lover
  4. Companion
  5. Special friend
  6. Suitor
  7. Person of interest
  8. Gentleman caller
  9. Good lookin’
  10. Knight-in-shining-armor
  11. Sweetie
  12. Champ
  13. Fuckpiece
  14. Man friend
  15. Text buddy
  16. Emergency contact
  17. Sweet dick
  18. Bubba baby
  19. Mr. President
  20. The guy in the hat
  21. Techno God
  22. Old One Tooth
  23. Satan
  24. HAIM (pronounced “hahy-uhm”)
  25. Husband Rough Draft
  26. Dog lover
  27. Valedictorian of my pussy
  28. Cloud Rider
  29. Oyfriend-bay
  30. Balls and chain
  31. Sir Does-a-lot-of-really-short-kisses
  32. Daddy
  33. Ye Olde Shoppe
  34. Baby bitch
  35. My pirate master
  36. Hydration Station
  37. Big Poppa
  38. Colonel
  39. Mr. Potato Chip
  40. Honestly a cool dude
  41. Keymaster
  42. My little high school graduate
  43. The Damnedest Yankee
  44. Cum dumpster, DDS
  45. Afraid
  46. Sex Butler
  47. “Swollen Tongue”
  48. Registered voter
  49. Boy Story 2
  50. Whoopi
  51. My Country ‘Tis Of… HE?!
  52. The Prophet
  53. The Sleep-with-er of Me
  54. Alex’s brother
  55. Stubble bunny
  56. King of Girth
  57. This Love (the Maroon 5 song)
  58. Bell ringer
  59.  

     

  60. Thinspo
  61. Still reeks of Megan
  62. Recent convert
  63. My esteemed colleague
  64. One big bubble
  65. The Human Pamphlet
  66. Lash o’ locks
  67. Doesn’t seem sorry
  68. Nutshell
  69. D the D
  70. Wizard of Sideburns
  71. Farm Style
  72. My lovely assistant
  73. Birdfucker
  74. The man behind the camera
  75. Like how when you go back to your old elementary school and it’s a Kohl’s
  76. A total Miranda
  77. Sandwich avoider
  78. Lip Sync Freak!!!!
  79. Sperm Shooter 2.0
  80. Recyclable
  81. The Bone Prison, Where I Live Out My Days
  82. Three-Eyed Athlete
  83. ComicCon STAR!
  84. Frodo
  85. Our Lady of Perpetual Grievances
  86. Government truster
  87. Seatbelt Slave
  88. Storm monger
  89. Canada
  90. Not a firefighter
  91. Big Fat Ghost
  92. The Downtown Clown
  93. Nick Cannon Presents: Wild N’ Out
  94. Wolf victim
  95. Metaphorical Post-It
  96. Not half bad at going down on me
  97. My Executive Producer
  98. “Treats Treats Treats”
  99. Two Ears!
  100. Hot Shrek
  101. Brad?

 

With these names you’ll be sure to navigate this tricky limbo! Just snuggle up and whisper any of these in Brad’s ear—he’ll be beside himself!