You’ve been in your body a long time, and that it’s pretty weird if you think about it too hard. There are so many weird things about it, how could we possibly add to them? We can’t! Here are ten surprising facts about your body that you already know:
1. Fingernails keep growing after you die! You heard about it in 5th grade when kids were starting to wonder about death, and it was the most amazing fact in the world. But seriously think about it – can you imagine a corpse with really long fingernails? You already knew this!
2. Most women have one breast that’s slightly larger than the other! If you have boobs, you most likely know this because one of your boobs is, in fact, larger than the other. But hey, boobs are fun, and like, different sized boobs??? That’s extra fun!.
3. The human head weighs eight pounds! OF COURSE you already know this – it was a line in Jerry Maguire, one of the most popular movies ever made! Who could forget that weird little kid? No one! Especially not you!
(Ed. note: Of course, heads vary in mass depending on how big they are, but let’s ignore that scientific fact right now.)
4. Most of the dust in your home is made up of your shed skin cells! Blech! You know this, but probably try not to think about it because it’s fucking disgusting to think about. Think about it: your home is filled with pieces of your own dead body powder. Yuck!
5. If you cut a small hole in your skin, it will eventually grow back together! Did you know your body has a natural ability to heal itself? Of course you did, you idiot! Sure, some people just call it “healing,” but it’s really weird when you think about it! If you cut a piece of paper, it doesn’t grow back together, so why does the human body? What if it grew apart instead? That would be a disaster!
6. The skin is the largest organ in the human body. That’s a commonly quoted fact, but it’s weird that the skin is even considered an organ! It’s not round and bloody like other organs! Most likely, that’s just because scientists didn’t have a good way to categorize skin. They probably thought, “Uhhh, it’s not muscle, it’s not bone… durr… Oh, just call it an organ!” Stupid scientists! You’re not stupid though, cause you already knew this fact.
7. The average person poops one to three times per day. If you’re average, you fall into this numbers, so you know at least one of the three possibilities. Of course, if you only poop one time per day, think about it: some people poop three times as much as you! You should up your pooping game. But I bet you’ve been thinking about that for a long time.
8. Your nails are made out of the same material as horse hooves! You probably heard this before from the perspective of the horse. For example, as you were horseback riding, someone probably said to you: “Do you know that horse hooves are made from the same material as your fingernails?” It’s like that, but the other way around. Not surprising, but very weird!
9. You’re a mammal, the same type of animal as a whale. That’s an extremely basic fact, but take a second to think about whales breast-feeding. Sigh. So weird.
10. One day, every single one of us will die! Isn’t that crazy? Sure, we all know we’re heading to the grave, but it’s just funny when you… think about… it… hm… wow… I guess we never really… thought about it… too much… oh god… wow… that is… super sad, actually. But still super weird!!
Our bodies are zany – but you didn’t need us to tell you that, dummy!