5 Items Worth Shoplifting!

Shoplifting

Spring trends are in full force! But landlords are raising rents and friends are planning outdoor brunches where you split the check, even if you only ordered a side of eggs. Don’t let your image suffer the consequences of a starving bank account. Here are the five items that are totally worth skirting the law to get your hands on:

 

Fit and Flare dresses

Classic and cute, this silhouette is flattering and fitted, with a skirt that is sure to show off your panties if you spin around just right. These are best snuck out of Nordstrom’s under a coat, but beware: the warmer it gets, the more your ratty old North Face will appear suspicious.

 

Tiny Purses

Have you heard that tiny handbags are all the rage? No? Then you must be outrageously stupid and out of touch. Marc Jacobs makes one for a modest $1,595 and fits in the palm of your hand. It will also fit inside your old leggings with the totally shot elastic.

 

Ballet Flats

Being told you need ballet flats in the spring is like being told that birds are going to migrate North. You can get any old pair of ballet flats within your budget; but if you want to be truly worth something as a woman, you’re going to need to step it up. As with everything: the more expensive, the better. Do the old switcheroo and leave your torn-up sneakers in their place at the store and tiptoe out like a princess.

 

 

The Color Orange

Orange is the new black – GET IT?! And be careful what you wish for: you’re stealing things and that phrase comes from a show about prison. This color is very bright, so hide it deep within your bag, under more neutral tones.

 

Bomber Jackets/Iridescent Fabric/Floral Baseball Hats

90s fashion nostalgia is in full swing, from club-kid shimmer to that weird era of 1960s throwbacks. In order to really get these looks ON POINT, you are going to have to get past the thrift store employees – and they’re used to shady shoppers like yourself. Sing hit music from the 90s until you find yourself floating out of there without even realizing you’re still wearing the overalls you just tried on.

 

Remember: some fashion crimes are justified, and it’ll be totally worth it as long as you don’t get caught.

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